This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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