She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
