thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
