Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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