i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
It's never too late to be topless.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
