I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
