We named our party play list daddy issues
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
