My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
