All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
