I'm jealous of your bromance
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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