i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
