I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
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its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
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Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I would fuck him just for his dog
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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