she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
