Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
