well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
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Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
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I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Panties = found
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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