Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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