So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
