So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
