I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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