I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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