"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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