I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
