I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
