he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
