im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
