if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
