im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
