i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
