I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
