I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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