Banned from zoo.
Again?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Every concussion has its silver lining
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
