dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize
