I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Randomize
