dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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