Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
