I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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