How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
