Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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