dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
