Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
