a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
