I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
