This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
