Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
