He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
