She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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