Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
