you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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