What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize