Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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