she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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