There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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