First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
