Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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