i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
