I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
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