I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
third nipple confirmed
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
