I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
