dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
you would pick up someone in the library
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
