my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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