Are we in a gay sports bar?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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