oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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