There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
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