alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
