Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
MIDGETS
????
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
