Your face is a jimmy john
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
