Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
