your thong is hanging out like whoa
someone threw a dead crab at me
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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