well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
