I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
