I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Randomize
