It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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