i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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