I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
