i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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